hello again faithful readers! tiela/didi back for another installment of as the...world...uh....waits...? anywho~> alot of new stuff this week, memorization, set beginnings getting in the way, etc. i have noticed that this rehearsal process seems more...how shall i say?..."involved" than previous ones. granted most of my experience only goes back as far as high school where i had the same director for 4 years and not much variance. but i really like that we spend so much time getting to know our characters. it makes me feel confident that if something should happen i can react as Didi and keep the flow of the show, if you catch my meaning. its also very physical. i've done physical before but never anything quite like this where im crawling on the ground 5 days out of the week.

i've also noticed some attitudes that Didi might have towards some other characters. i didn't pick it up until the end of the week, but i don't think Didi likes Pozzo...at all. i found myself doing alot of mocking and rolling my eyes whenever pozzo was speaking. at first i was surprised but then it made sense that Didi wouldn't want pozzo around. Didi is the "grown-up" (for lack of a better word) and doesn't want anyone stealing Gogo's attention or allegiance from him.

also andrew, holy cow. he has come a long way. he doesn't have a ton to work on but i can tell that he puts just as much into it as everyone else. for not having been in a show before i'm super excited about what he's doing with the character. it comes off as a a flat 2 dimensional kind of thing at first, but he's taken it and run with it. and when janeve gives him something he takes it and just goes. like during our scene when i walk menacingly toward him....i almost couldn't keep going bc he looked so scared i wanted to make sure he was ok...so kudos to andrew!

anywho, i think that does it. i have a weekend visitor and need to stop neglecting them. if i think of more i'll send it through

-tiela

well, blog three. what to say? there's so much. we weren't given any direction to go in with this one...so i guess its all me. i think this will be my "concerns" blog. until now everything i've shared has been positive, or at least optimistic. but i have worries, my biggest one is the time we have...or rather don't have, to get this show on its feet. i've done shows in short amounts of time before, but i've never had so much responsibility. there were always bigger casts or i had smaller roles. plus that was high school, i didn't have any other responsibilities...i could focus solely on the show. but now i have class, i have work, i have only so many hours in my day to get things done. i have full confidence that we will all succeed. this is one of the most amazing groups of people i've worked with in a long time...but its also the first group i've worked with in a long time. i feel rusty, out of practice. it's not the show and how much time we may or may not have that worries me. its me. like if anything goes wrong, it'll be me...if the show is awful...its my fault. i'm sure janeve knew what she was doing when she cast, but there's this uneasiness that hits me every time i have to call for line. i used to be so good at memorization...i mean photographic. i could look at the script a few times and then weeks later id be able to tell you the line, what page and how far down it was for ANY character. im not sure what im getting at...im sure ill be fine. its just anxiety for full off book for Sunday. and i have complete faith in the directing team and the rest of the cast. i am so ridiculously excited for this show...it may well move to the top of my favorite roles list. i just need to get my head out of my butt and stop worrying so much. ok, time to cheer up and run my lines. catcha on the flipside.

so i had my concerns blog...the memorization thing. it all ended up better than i expected (which it usually does). but Sunday was secret day. and after the revelations i had i absolutely had to "ps blog" immediately. we were given the source work to come up with a secret about a character we interact with. naturally i chose Gogo (i'm going to have one for the boy too...i figured im really the only one he interacts with so...but back to business) but when i shared my secret with Janeve and LWK Janeve asked me questions that i hadn't really thought of and it bought the secret to life. she told me to find 5 places in the show (save the line it was inspired by) to play my secret. and within minutes i was feeling it, and realizing how strong something like that can be. how much it can change your reactions, or the way you deliver a line...or a pause. it was intense...it gave me all new insight into the relationship of the two characters. AND THEN!!!....there was another line, later in act one that inspired me and gave me even more depth to my secret....i found out when the secret happened. and it completely changed the end of act one for me. amazing. absolutely amazing. and for Tuesday we are to write a letter to our selected person about the secret, apologizing, reprimanding, etc. we're not to give them (just as we're not to share our secrets until closing night) but its going to be intense for me, i can feel it already. this is the kind of thing i really get into. the first reaction i had was that writing my letter was going to make me cry....come to closing night and maybe i'll tell you why. Janeve said we didn't ever have to give our letters but I'm going to give Gogo mine when i share the secret. it'll be therapeutic in the sense of closure...both for the character and for me personally with the show. but the source work, the things that Janeve forces us to think about...i never would have thought of something like this to motivate me without her push. this has got to be the most fantastic process I've ever had for a show. tray bong, Janeve, tray, tray, tray bong!

The home stretch, wow, so fast. Im nervous, but absolutely thrilled. I cant remember ever being so excited for a show. But I still don’t have memorization fully down and its frustrating. I have no worries about actual performance, ill be fine by then. Its just rough rehearsing when im stumbling over my lines. It pulls me out of character and makes pacing hard. It’ll fall in to place, it always does. Lets move on to something else, do you mind?

The set. Done. Well mostly. Its all built. Only the aesthetics remain. The foamy stuff…hurts my knees but it looks awesome. The sawdust…flies everywhere and clogs my lungs but it looks awesome. My costume…is thick and heavy and makes me sweat like a man but it looks awesome. We had our first rehearsal in front of tech on Thursday. I don’t think those kids got it very much. And it worried me when I didn’t hear any laughter. I like to think they just didn’t get the show, not that we did it poorly; Im imagining that other people will be more receptive.

I did hear that a friend of mine’s theatre class talked about how Beckett would roll over in his grave if he saw our show….because there are women in it. So that means he’d be happy with the interpretation and execution right? Haha, always the optimist, that Didi.

I accidentally did sourcework. I was watching a movie with one of my room mates, and one of the characters reads a poem at the end and it kinda made me cry. It made me think of the secret relationship that I created between Didi and Gogo. Turns out it was well known by both Lauren and Janeve. It just goes to show that things in ones life are not exclusive, they reach, to places one might never imagine. I see it everywhere, its even sneaking its way into my speech…I speak like my character sometimes.

I have a weird feeling about the end of this show. I don’t want it to end, but at the same time im exhausted and could use a little down time. This has been…amazing. Id forgotten just how much I love performing, how much I love being a part of a group that comes together to create. I always come away having met the most amazing people.

it is done. over. no more. a month of my life dedicated (almost entirely) to this production and in 4 short days, it disappears. it is now merely a memory.

but what a memory it is! i've never felt so accomplished after a show. like i, as well as everyone else, REALLY learned something. not just about theatre or this particular show, but about ourselves. i had alot of responsibility to people other than myself, and i feel i rose to that occasion. it was a very complex show, difficult to comprehend if you weren't familiar with beckett or absurdism, but i've heard many people making the connections we wanted them to make. i've heard nothing but praise from faculty, students, even monmouth citizens! so needless to say i am extremely proud of this show, this cast, the directing crew...everyone. and i'm a little heartbroken that its over. as glad as i may be to have free time in the evenings to "hang out" i miss the fun, the confusion, even the sweat we all shared. i think thats one of the underlying purposes of theatre, to bring people together. and i don't mean the audience, i mean the cast and crew. without a cast that understands one another, and a director who supports the casts needs and ambitions (and vice versa) there can be no successful show for an audience to see. i never would have known noelle if not for this show. brandon and i would have simply worked together in the scene shop. jenny, well we knew each other, but not quite so well as we do now. andrew, i never would have known he existed. LWK, i might've heard her laugh somewhere eventually; but that is not the point. i am affected by each of these people in profound ways and it is one of the miracles of live theatre and an intense rehearsal process like the one we shared that bring us all together, if only for a moment. and then there's janeve. what can i possibly say about janeve? she was hard. she forced me to think of things i never would have otherwise. i've never been so frustrated by a director, EVER! but at the same time, i have never learned so much or been so inspired by anyone (director or otherwise).

so many strong people with amazing qualities to contribute. this final blog is not so much about the show as it is about the end of our relationship as a whole, unified group doing something amazing together. "the more people i meet the happier i become...wiser, richer,more conscious of one's blessings." thank you all for adding to my store.

all my love,

Tiela